We Need to Talk…

Nothing strikes fear in the heart of a man like that sentiment.  I didn’t realize that until SHB told me.  I would say, “I need to talk to you about something.” and he would cringe.  All I wanted to say was that I couldn’t decide what color napkins to buy or whether we should have beef or pork for dinner.  He finally told me to say, “I have an idea.”  I sent him an email today with the subject line of “I have an idea”.  Am hoping he doesn’t crap his pants before he gets home from work.

I’ve always felt a need to lead up to something when my goal is persuasion.  If I start out by saying, “I want _____.” and the other person doesn’t want ______ then they immediately go on the defense.  If I can slowly lead into it, I find that they have agreed before they even know I have asked anything.

Pleading one’s case can be a delicate thing.  I first try to see how the other person/people feel about the idea without actually asking about it.  This can be done in several ways.  If you want a boat, I wouldn’t suggest watching Titanic.  If you find out about an unexpected expense (unusually high power bill, car repair, etc.), this wouldn’t be the time to bring up a luxury purchase you want to make.  You also don’t want to ask for an expensive item right after your significant other tells you they received a raise or a windfall.  This seems like you were “waiting to pounce”.  Let them celebrate then when things calm down (maybe wait a day or two), tell them about the thing you want to buy.

When I was a child, I watched The Brady Bunch.  On one episode, Peter wanted a dog.  He asked his parents how they were doing.  They responded positively.  He then said, “Speaking of dogs…”.  After that episode, my siblings and I used that phrase as our “go to” segue to a completely different subject.

Today’s “we need to talk/I have an idea” is an unusually awkward one.  I know David’s opinion on this and it is not favorable.  Because of this, I’m gonna have trouble convincing him that I am right and he is wrong.  I’m not ready to give up though.  I’m just hoping that when he figures out what I’m talking about, he doesn’t shut down, not listening to all the benefits of doing things my way.  He is very generous and considerate, giving me practically anything I want.   But this one is gonna be tough.

Y’all wish me luck.  I will post an update tomorrow.


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Comments on “We Need to Talk…”

  1. bob kukua

    Saying “we need to talk” to a man is THE worst thing you can ever say to him. Those four simple words bring the weight of the world upon him. I know that in my experience it has brought nothing but darkness into my life. Someone I loved dearly once said this to me and my life has never been the same ever since. Of course I could be biased just based on my past experience. It might be different for others.
    Love your blogs though, you have a great talent for writing

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  2. Gina

    Daddy always said to handle it head on when talking to people. I was whining to daddy that I would let a phone call go to voice mail because I dreaded talking to someone or taking care of an issue. It turns out that he’s right. After he told me to just address the person head on, I did and felt like a burden had been lifted off of me. I also realized that I would make things bigger in my mind than they were when I got worked up about what they’d say and what I’d say in defense. Just say it.

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