Saying Goodbye to My Mother

I have started to write this several times since April 5th when my Mother left this earth.  She is now with her Mother and only sibling, a sister named Miriam.  She no longer feels pain and her sight is perfect again.  I know it was best for her, but it still sucks.

One of my BFF’s lost her Mother 3 months to the day before I did.  I had no idea how hard it was for her.  I feel like a terrible person for not having given her more support.  When I told her my Mother had passed away, she put her own grief aside and offered me a much-needed shoulder to cry on.  But it still sucks.

I learned a lot from my Mother.  My Mother had type-2 diabetes.  She refused to acknowledge that instead saying she had “a touch of sugar”.  This caused her vision to be so poor that she hadn’t driven in years.  Because of this, she told me to take care of myself while I still had time.  She had many house projects that she could no longer complete and urged me to start doing the “some day” things I wanted to do.  She had a long to-do list that will never be completed.  And it sucks.

In 1993, she ran across a magazine I had left at their home while visiting.  It had a picture of a cross-stitch rose garden on the cover.  She asked if I would make it for her.  I bought the 22-count linen and all the colors then got started.  I don’t remember why or when, but I put it aside one day…and picked it up 19 years later.  I realized that my eyesight had deteriorated so much that I had to wear “readers” to work on it.  If I’m stitching on my death bed, I am going to finish that rose garden.

Last Christmas I was in a deep, dark depression.  I usually put up 13 Christmas trees, a huge Christmas village, several hundred Santa items and more.  I even have a complete set (12 place settings) of Christmas china.  I couldn’t find it in me to put up a single tree.  I now am very aware that I have a finite number of Christmases left.  David, my super hot fiance is helping me put up my Christmas village now.  We are gonna leave it up until January then take it down until the following Christmas.

I need to lose weight.  My Mother had gained weight over the years, but not nearly as much as I have.  Almost every aspect of my life is affected by the extra weight.  I have no self-confidence, I am unable to do physical things that I used to be able to do, the things I can do I can only do for short periods of time, everything hurts, etc.  So, I’m gonna lose weight.  I used to say “I’m gonna try to lose weight.” but I’m not gonna try.  I’m gonna do it.  Think Yoda.

In addition to putting up my Christmas village and losing weight, here are some of the other things on my to-do list:

Plant a garden – I did this for years and miss the delicious and thrifty produce I grew each year.

Have my house ready for visitors – It’s more clutter than actual “dirty”, but I have never let my house get this way.

Make a menu – I always did this.  David has been doing most of the cooking lately (grilling after he gets home from work).  He works hard and shouldn’t have to cook when he gets home.

Spend more time on my appearance – I probably haven’t put on makeup in more than a month.  My hair is filthy and I’m two weeks overdue on getting my nails done.

Write regularly – I have always loved writing.  I had decided that I wasn’t going to write until I wrote a post about my Mother.  I was never able to finish it so I ended up not writing at all.

Finish the rose garden and all the other projects on my list.


Good or bad, y’all will hear/read about it here.